So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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