Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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