alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
