Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
