i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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