If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
