She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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