He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
