just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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