i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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