with your own penis?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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