If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
