i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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