A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
