everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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