im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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