you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
