i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Only a mothe r could love this liver
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize