You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
