I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
