she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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