if you like me you must not know who I am
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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