I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
