How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
