Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
