Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize