I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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