cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
