if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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