i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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