I wanna bring you to show and tell
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
