Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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