if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
