Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
