the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize