So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
