Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize