Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
