The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
