OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
