We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
