woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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