Redeem this text for a blowjob
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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