You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
