My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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