I am puke
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
