Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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