if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize