He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
