When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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