We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
