Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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