That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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