you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
