I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
