We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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