Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
