just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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