Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He passed out mid-signature
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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