if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
