We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
