Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it glows. i had to have it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What a dumb baby whore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
