last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
