i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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