It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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