I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
