there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
