More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
