i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
