Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
