I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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