Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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