come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize