After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
