i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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