i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize