The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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