I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
