I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
