I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize