that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
