i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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