Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
