Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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