Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
