So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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