I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
