French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
