if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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