I'm eating all of the evidence.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
