Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
