Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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