how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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